Before me stood a man I had respected and admired for years. I had read his books. I had been inspired by his powerful church and challenged by his passionate preaching. His prayer life was exemplary, his ministry legendary.
I had just spent several thousand dollars to fly to his country so I could attend a conference to hear him preach. I had hoped to learn the principles that had enabled him to be what many considered “the most successful pastor in the world.” The first session had been great. I had learned that there were two keys to his phenomenal success: the power of prayer and the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Halfway through his second session he made a statement that I’m sure will stick with me for life. I think it’s permanently etched on my heart. I’m sure I’ll never forget it; at least, I hope I won’t. I pray you won’t either. Here is that unforgettable life-changing shocking quote from the world’s most successful pastor: I have failed as a father.
My heart broke as the words rolled off his tongue. With deep regret and with his heavy signature accent, he made his humble confession. The words echoed in my mind like a shout in an empty cave: I’ve failed as a father . . . failed as a father . . . failed as a father . . .
He sort of dropped his head as he said it. I dropped my head, too. I silently prayed for his three grown sons. I prayed for the other 700 pastors and church leaders at the conference. “May they not follow in his footsteps, at least not in this area!”
I also prayed for my three sons. “Oh God, don’t let me be so busy winning the world that I lose my sons! Don’t let me fail them.”
As I silently prayed, this man continued with his sobering story. He informed us that he recently had his first family vacation in thirty-five years of ministry. It was during this vacation that his sons told him, “We don’t have any good memories” growing up as kids. Because he was busy “serving God,” he just didn’t have time for his family. After sharing that with us, he said, “that really hurts my heart.” I could tell it did. It hurt mine, too.
Here was a man respected all over the world, author of numerous best-selling books, a famous preacher, and pastor of one of the most influential churches in the world. For thirty-five years he had sacrificially given himself to his church and ministry, but not to his wife and kids. He had built a massive church, but he failed to build his own home. By his own admission, he was a success at church but a failure at home.
I hope no one misunderstands me. My point here is not to criticize a great man of God. My point is to build up the family. I still read this man’s books on prayer and church growth. I am still inspired by his faith and vision. Unlike many ministers, he seems to have realized his priorities were amiss.
That “failed as a father” statement caused me to reconsider what true success really is. Is it really possible to be a good preacher and a bad parent? Is it possible to be a success at work and a failure at home?
Speaking about church leaders, Paul told Timothy:
He must manage his own family well . . . If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church? (1 Timothy 3:4,5)
How should we determine if a man is qualified to be a pastor? Too often, it is based on man’s educational achievements, oratory skills, and administrative abilities. The Bible says we should examine a man’s family. Not his family tree, but his relationship with his wife and children. If this area is in order, then he might qualify to pastor.
Too many pastors see their wife and children as hindrances to ministry. What goes on in the home does not hinder ministry. Rather, the home life either validates or repudiates the message preached.
Because there is a limited amount of time in each day, we can’t do everything. Therefore we must set priorities, so we can give our time to the things that matter most. Priorities should naturally flow out of who we are. Here’s what it looks like for me. First of all, I’m a Christian, then a husband, then a father, then a pastor.
So, based on who I am, here are my top priorities:
Because I’m a Christian, priority #1 is my relationship with Jesus.
Because I’m a husband, priority #2 is my relationship with my wife.
Because I’m a father, priority #3 is my relationship with my children.
Because I’m a pastor, priority #4 is my ministry.
Everything else, if there is any more time, follows these top four priorities. It is possible to succeed in ministry and succeed at home, but only if we set the right priorities and boundaries.