A few months ago, I took one of my sons to watch the South East Asia Games tennis finals at the Rizal Memorial Tennis Center in Manila. At least 95% of the crowd packed into center court were cheering for Cecil Mamit, the Filipino who returned “home” from LA to win the first SEA Games tennis gold for the Philippines in fourteen years. There were a few loyal Thai fans who timidly cheered in vain for their fallen hometown hero.
Thousands watched the same tennis match. Some experienced victorious joy, while others experienced sad defeat. Some celebrated exuberantly. Others sat in silent disappointment. Everyone saw and experienced the exact same event, but there were two completely different perspectives that created different emotions and reactions.
Funny how people can experience the exact same thing and have completely different emotions and reactions.
Samuel tells a story of completely different reactions to the exact same experience. (See 1 Samuel 30:1–6.) Here’s the story: David and his men were returning home to Ziklag. When they arrived, they found that the evil Amalekites had burned their homes and kidnapped their wives and children. Samuel records their reaction in verse 4: So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep.
They all lost everything: homes, livestock, wives, and children. They all responded by weeping until they ran out of strength and tears. This is a healthy response to personal pain. But some took it to an unhealthy level. They blamed their loss on David, not on the Amalekites. Blaming leaders for our pain is a convenient way of avoiding issues we do not know how to deal with.
Verse 6 tells us that David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him. I have faced many stressful situations as a leader, but never one where people were discussing how to kill me. These guys reasoned that since their pain was really David’s fault, they should destroy David. Hurting people often hurt people. Today, when we are hurting, we do not stone our leaders, we gossip or blog them to death.
Sometimes, leaders are the cause of the pain; often, they are innocent bystanders who could actually be part of the solution, if they were not being unjustly attacked. These people who wanted to kill David are the same ones who gathered around him in the Cave of Adullam. David’s godly leadership helped turn these distressed, discontented debtors into mighty men who were living the dream with passion and purpose. Then the Amalekites attacked.
The next part of verse 6 reveals why these men turned on their leader, in spite of all he did to turn their lives around: each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. There’s our culprit: bitterness. These men experienced the exact same loss as David. They, like David, lost homes, wives, children. They reacted with a bitterness that was turning to violence.
But how did David react? The end of verse 6 says that David found strength in the Lord his God. Exact same loss with two completely different responses. Rather than getting bitter, David got God.
We will all encounter Amalekites who inflict undeserved pain on us. In the midst of our pain, we have a choice. We can allow our pain to turn to bitterness, or we can find strength in God. We can lash out at leaders or we can reach out to God. We can become bitter, or we can become better. The choice is ours.