Since Krispy Kreme Doughnuts recently opened its first Philippine store about 1000 meters from our Every Nation building in Fort Bonifacio, I thought it may be time to list the “Krispy Kreme Code” my family has lived by since we weaned our sons from the bottle to the hot now original glazed many years ago.

Life is filled with codes people live by. Dan Brown dreamed up the Da Vinci Code, the Men of the Square Table call their code Man Laws, Otis Campbell once said that even town drunks in Mayberry have a code they live by. Here are the four foundational pillars of the KK Code:

  1. Never buy one KK, unless it is one dozen. There are 12 tribes, 12 apostles, 12 months of the year, 12 numbers on the dial of your watch, 12 fingers on the hands and feet of the man Inigo Montoya hunts—and there are supposed to be 12 KK’s in every purchase.
  2. Never ruin a KK by covering it with chocolate, candy sprinkles, or pink icing. Adding something to make a KK taste better is like adding spray-paint graffiti to make the Grand Canyon look better.
  3. Never buy or eat a KK unless the “hot now” sign is lit. Exactly sixteen minutes after purchasing a “hot now” KK, your doughnut turns into a donut, and then there is no point eating it. If it is not hot, save your stomach the trouble and just throw it out.
  4. Drink cold water with hot KK’s. Not milk. Not coffee. Cold water. Milk and coffee (with cream and sugar added) will make you fat. Water has zero calories and does not mess with your taste buds.

That should be enough of the Code to get you off to the right start in the enjoyment of one of life’s simple pleasures. For info on the health benefits KK Doughnuts, just google health food, long life, organic meals, weight loss, adult diabetes, or dangerous cholesterol levels.

(Weight gain mystery revealed. For the past twenty-three years, every time I return from a trip to the States, on my first Sunday back, about 500 Filipinos tell me I’ve gained weight. Now that KK is a few blocks away, you can all learn why.)